Pauly D and J-Roc cause trouble at The Palm.
A handshake or high-five is a good enough greeting for some friends, but it's safe to say Pauly D and his pals aren't much for tradition. The man whose sneakers and T-shirts are louder than most sold-out concerts and his good pal, J-Roc, recently participated in an epic secret handshake that puts any He-Man Woman Haters Club effort to shame. It's long. It's intricate. It's signature PD.
So that your eyes don't cross while trying to follow each step, we've put together a guide to the basic moves. Take a look at THE handshake, deconstructed, and remember: Only attempt while under the supervision of professionals.
1) Slap your right hand with your partner's hand five times. This will set the tone, and ideally numb your hand enough to endure the rest of the ritual's pain.
2) Grab your partner's hand, twist your wrist so your thumb and middle fingers are free and snap them while your hands are still connected. You don't need those nerve endings, right? Swell! Bend your appendage until it breaks, because contortions are always a crowd-pleaser.
3) Slap the outside of your right foot with your right hand and proceed to alternate four cross-body claps with your partner. This isn't your parents' "Patty-Cake," kids. DON'T STOP NOW.
4) Pretend you and your partner are ex-marines seasoned in hand-to-hand combat, and duck under his two mock-jabs. If playing Mortal Kombat is the closest you've come to a real fight, consider this your time in the sun! Bite your lip to appear stalwart, and don't forget to keep your knees bent.
5) Slap your partner's right hand with yours once more, raise them both toward the sky while remaining intertwined and stomp collectively. Don't lose focus! We're in the home stretch here. Let the cheers of the crowd sustain your wearying body.
6) Snap your fingers, stomp again (YOU'RE ANGRY!) and lick your entire hand. Sure, any health-care professional would advise against a full palm-lick, but who are they to say your skin isn't as tasty as an ice pop or candy cane? Communicable disease, be damned: You will get the job done.
7) Fist-pump twice, push each other and mock fight once more. We are dealing with a "Jersey" crowd, after all.
8) Throw up your hands and give thanks to the deity of your choice. Because only a higher power could have seen this miracle through.
Dig Remote Control? Follow us on Twitter, like, now.
Photo and video courtesy of @IAmJroc